I hung up the phone with the doctor. It was confirmed that yes, I did have another miscarriage and no, we don’t need you to come in for further testing, not until you’ve had three.
Three miscarriages. My heart was barely surviving two, how was I expected to get through another?
It was a moment that forever changed me.
I clearly saw myself on a path, breaking in two directions. One of which was the path I was currently walking and the other, a path I had never been on but somehow knew it was the only way forward for me.
As soon as I thought the thought, a weight lifted from my insides. I suddenly felt lighter…even a little hopeful.
But mostly I felt like I had taken my power back.
The power I had so absentmindedly given away to everyone else I believed to know better than me.
I had spent the better part of the year waiting on someone else to tell me if I was going to be okay, almost holding my breath in anticipation for the answers to make me whole again.
But the answer was already in me, waiting for me to pay attention.
A defining moment in my life.
The moment I decided to take a different path was the moment I said to the world around me, enough.
That’s enough.
And I walked away from everything that felt heavy.
Life began to slow down, in the way that life should slow down. My mind quieted, the pit in my stomach softened.
I woke up from the spell I was under and got to work healing myself, guided by my intuition, that wise inner voice I hadn’t listened to in a very long time.
And the more I slowed down, the louder my voice became.
Navigating life’s choices became a matter of feeling my way through, allowing my heart to lead.
Heavy or light?
Hopeless or hopeful?
Powerless or powerful?
All it takes is one choice. One moment in time where you say to the world, enough.
That’s enough.
So whatever it is for you, if you are giving your power away, I want you to look down at the path you are on and make a choice. You can choose to keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep going in the same direction you’ve always been going.
Or you can choose a different way. Look up and see where the path breaks, look for the one less travelled. And as you stand there, contemplating this new path, notice how you feel. Maybe a little lighter, a little hopeful.
Maybe even a little powerful.
Take that path.
